


unrequited infatuation (or is it love?)

by Ive_never_read_fluff



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders/Deceit | Janus Sanders Angst, Deceit | Janus Sanders Angst, Deceit | Janus Sanders is Bad at Feelings, Hurt No Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Light Angst, M/M, Okay Ending, Possibly Unrequited Love, Unrequited Crush, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-23
Updated: 2020-11-23
Packaged: 2021-03-09 23:35:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,393
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27684350
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ive_never_read_fluff/pseuds/Ive_never_read_fluff
Summary: Janus hates puppy love, this crush, adoration, infatuation-- whatever it's called, he absolutely despises it.
Relationships: Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders & Deceit | Janus Sanders, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders/Deceit | Janus Sanders
Comments: 2
Kudos: 25





	unrequited infatuation (or is it love?)

**Author's Note:**

> TWS: TAGGED IMPLIED SUICIDE BECAUSE HE REFERENCES A PAST ATTEMPT, SUICIDAL THOUGHTS/ IDEATION
> 
> lmk if there's more, <3!!

They were just teenagers, obviously Janus would be completely over the moon for his friend.

And obviously wouldn't know how to deal with it besides avoiding it at all costs and vigorously denying it whenever it did manage to surface.

Ever since he and Roman reconnected, Janus's past feelings for him started to bloom again.

He'd thought that crush ended years ago.

And maybe it did, but he couldn't really deny that he'd always recognized Roman as a love interest ( _or, more correctly, someone who he could see himself with and who he'd use for self insert fanfiction_ ). 

And there was so many issues with that.

On the first day of reconnecting, July 18th, he learned that Roman was gay.

Which gave him stupid, stupid hope.

The moment his friend texted him saying that Roman was in contact, he felt his emotions flar up as much as they could.

Just the previous night, he'd almost ended his life.

So, as you could imagine, the excitement was pretty dulled and coated in disbelief.

What if Remy was lying to him?

What if it was someone pretending to be Roman?

But he knows that at least the second one isn't all too logical.

Who'd go out of their way to find out so much about Janus's life and uncover the importance of Roman to him and actually go through the trouble of pretending to be him, and getting Remy's phone number?

Seems like a huge waste.

Would Roman even want to be friends with Janus?

Would he only want Remy back?

What did this mean for him?

Janus felt like an asshole for not being outwardly excited.

He still does sometimes, after all, he never told Roman he was in a terrible place just the night before.

But anyway.. they all got on a group call and it lasted for five hours.

There was some awkward silence, but not nearly as much as he'd expect. 

He loved talking with Roman again.

I mean, Roman was his best friend for almost two or three years, and he hadn't been in contact with him for almost two years.

Roman had moved away the year before they were all supposed to go to middle school.

He'd promised to come back in highschool.

But, after Virgil.. Janus didn't believe nor did he entertain it.

To be fair, Janus wasn't even planning to stick around until highschool.

( _Actually.. Janus wasn't planning to stick around after elementary school, but we're not going to breach that topic today!_ )

So yeah, and shortly after Roman left Janus realized he was gay and all that jazz, and he realized that he didn't just view Roman as a friend, but as a crush.

Of course he couldn't do anything about it besides saying that a childhood bestfriend was his second male crush ever.

( _His first male crush was also a childhood bestfriend but I disgress_ -)

That was fine.

What he hadn't expected was for Roman to actually come back ( _or, at least, get back in contact_ ). 

And before highschool, at that!

Janus felt some type of way about him reaching out now.

Of course, he was happy about it but he couldn't help but wonder: why didn't he come back earlier?

Anyway, brushing all that under the rug, Roman moved away and Janus got all butthurt about it and woah the fuck he's back now and Janus has to deal with the previously forgotten crush and Janus was so much more of a mess than back then, blah blah blah-

Point is, as they kept on talking and getting to know each other again, Janus's feelings started to grow more and more.

How could he not love him?

Roman was.. amazing.

He was so kind, and he was slightly more energetic than Janus can usually March the energy of but that was fine because Roman didn't really mind and he made sure to let Janus know that and Janus was so grateful for that, and he was absolutely adorable his hair was all poofy and looks so incredibly soft and sometimes Janus can't help but wonder what it'd be like to run his fingers through it but Roman might take that as too romantic and Janus doesn't want to ruin anything so he'd never actually dare but sometimes it's nice to imagine, and he introduced Janus to so many new things and they liked the same things and Roman never got mad or upset that Janus didn't watch most of the anime recommended to him because Roman knew that it was hard for Janus to keep focus with everything and that he had other fandoms he liked more and that most of the art styles slightly aggravated Janus but he doesn't know why and he doesn't want to seem like a pretentious asshole so he never mentioned it but Roman somehow knows and he makes sure to avoid recommending those particularly shows and he doesn't get mad when he makes a reference Janus doesn't always understand, and he's so supportive because when Janus told him that he's trans and goes by he/they Roman was quick to use the correct name and pronouns and he always tried to help with his dysphoria and when Roman asked why he didn't want to go to the prom with their friends and Janus told him it was because he doesn't feel comfortable in a dress (not with his tibbes at least because oh hell does flat chested Janus in dresses hit different-) and Roman said he'd bring something else for Janus to wear so he'd be comfortable and that made Janus heart swoon and made him overjoyed for an almost worrying amount of time, and how he'd always offered to be there for Janus whenever and how he'd comfort Janus after he'd open up a little and how Roman seemed to know exactly what to say to make Janus feel better and he was just so.. so fucking incredible and nice and Jan's didn't deserve someone like him in his pathetic life but honestly he was always a tad selfish so it doesn't often bother him--

The first time Roman said "I love you" was on October 1st, at 8:01am. 

After that, it became routine to send good morning and goodnight texts along with an "I love you" everyday.

And we aren't here to talk about Janus's insecurities over it because overall it helps him feel better.

Talking to Roman is the highlight of his day.

For the first three months or so, they called each other every other day, but it gradually reduced into texting because Janus usually had too much phone anxiety but they still called like, once every month. 

Janus was able to push his feeling towards Roman down, normally.

Or he'd just ignore it.

But today.. tonight it kinda resurfaced.

He'd ranted to Logan and Remus about his almost-maybe-crush on his friend a couple times.

He'd listened to love songs and imagined himself with Roman one too many times.

He'd stayed up late fantasizing about a life with Roman far, far too many times.

And tonight.. he'd tagged Roman in a stupid tiktok about zodiac signs saying that if you're a pisces your best friend would get pregnant in the next six months and he thought it was funny ( _he was probably delirious but._.) and Roman replied with "Gemini's is fake news >:(. 

For context, the gemini portion said someone would confess their feeling for you in the next six months.

And fuck if that didn't do something to his heart

Would he confess in six months?

They'd only been in contact for about four months and by the time six months passed they'd only be back in contact for less then ten but honestly take that with a grain of salt because Janus can't be bothered to do the maths right now. 

Sure, confessing probably wouldn't ruin the friendship, but.. what if it did? 

And not to mention: what if it means someone else would confess in six months?

They'd probably be more deserving of Roman's love than Janus is.

Everyone is more deserving of Roman's love than Janus is 

Fuck, Janus hated this fucking puppy love.

Infatuation?

Crush?

.. Love?

Whatever the fuck, he'd just hoped it go away if he just kept on ignoring and denying it.

If it didn't.. well fuck.

**Author's Note:**

> woah two fics in one night it's almost like im a content mess wOW 😌🙏
> 
> also this may or may not pertain to my current situation 😺


End file.
